Sleepy Hollow: John Doe (S1E5)

“Look, this spiderweb has been broken at about Thomas’s height, and these footfalls are the same I’ve been tracking since we began. I’m afraid your so-called ‘smartphone’ couldn’t tell you that.” – Ichabod Crane

Time for another pseudo American history lesson! A mysterious boy speaking only Elvish Middle English turns up in Sleepy Hollow bearing a plague that starts spreading quickly. Good thing our esteemed Mr. Crane studied Middle English while at Oxford. The boy claims to be from Roanoke, but Crane determines that he must be from the ‘lost colony’ of Roanoke nearly 400 years ago, which is tied to Pestilence/Conquest – one of the Four Horsemen. Crane and Abbie must stop the spread of the plague before Pestilence rises again.

On a side note, I could watch an entire episode where all Crane does is react to modern day conveniences with disdain.

As Abbie helps Crane move into Corbin’s cabin she receives a call about a boy being found. This is the same boy we witness in the teaser chasing a young girl and then being chased by the horseman into the road and thus modern America. Crane notices the boy’s simple clothing and his Middle English dialect and suspects they might have something in common. He also notices black veins running up the boy’s arms and he is promptly placed into quarantine.

Obligatory “fish out of water” joke: Crane can’t open a packaged razor or operate a webcam.

After speaking to the boy Thomas and determining he is from Roanoke, Crane realizes that he must be from the “lost colony” of Roanoke, where 400 years ago everyone simply disappeared. (True!) This leads Crane and Abbie to track the boy’s trail and find the colony in Sleepy Hollow on a small island in the wilderness. (Probably not true). There they discover that 400 years ago the Horseman came for them but under the spirit guidance of Virginia Dare – the first English child born in America – they relocated to Sleepy Hollow and remained there to this day, preventing the Horseman from succeeding. Once Thomas left the colony, the disease was allowed to spread – as was the Horseman’s plan.

Crane and Abbie realize that if the Horseman is not contained, he will join forces with their Headless friend, so they need to bring Thomas back to Roanoke to stop the spread. Easier said than done. Once at the hospital Crane succumbs and visits his wife Katrina in purgatory where she is forced to stay by Moloch because… speak faster, woman! We don’t hear the reason, but it must be something bad, but that’s left for a later episode.

Obligatory “investigative journalist” moment: Abbie’s bland ex-boyfriend and fellow cop Morales starts looking into Crane’s backstory and we find someone is covering for his story at Oxford… or the English really have outdated records on their professors.

Abbie goes to pray for some proof that their plan would work. She gets an idea from the holy water and tells Irving, where he helps her take both Crane and Thomas while she steals an ambulance. Then all three must find their way back to the colony. It sure would be faster in the woods if, I don’t know, you didn’t force the plague-ridden Crane to carry Thomas by himself? Crane finally collapses and I think Abbie must at least let him lean on her now, but no, she just injects him with an epi-pen of adrenaline. Thanks, partner?

Crane carries Thomas and submerges them in the fountain just as the Horseman cometh, and everyone is soon cured of their plague and the Horseman turns to ash. Then Crane and Abbie find themselves in the remains of the colony because… omg you guys Thomas was dead the whole time! So Pestilence is defeated, but then we get a glimpse of the Headless Horseman alive and well (still headless, of course) and preparing for his return.

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